Posted by CNRSW CREDO SW

Relationship Builder - Accepting Influence

 

20 Ideas/Habits/Activities BEFORE Deployment:

  1. "Perspective Swap" Discussions: When a disagreement arises, actively try to argue for your partner's point of view before stating your own.
  2. Joint Decision-Making on Small Matters: Practice making everyday decisions together (e.g., what to watch, where to eat) with both having equal say.
  3. Seek Input on Personal Choices: Ask for your partner's opinion on personal decisions (e.g., what to wear, how to approach a work problem) and genuinely consider their feedback.
  4. "Two Truths and a Wish": When discussing future plans, each shares two things they feel strongly about and one compromise they are willing to make.
  5. "Appreciation for Differences" Journal: Each partner writes down things they appreciate about the other's different perspectives and approaches.
  6. Active Listening Practice: Consciously focus on truly hearing and understanding your partner's point of view without interrupting or formulating your response immediately.
  7. "Common Ground" Brainstorming: When faced with a problem, start by listing all the points you agree on before addressing disagreements.
  8. Compromise Role-Playing: Practice scenarios where you need to compromise on a decision, focusing on finding mutually acceptable solutions.
  9. Shared Learning Activities: Engage in activities where you both have different levels of expertise and are open to learning from each other (e.g., cooking a new cuisine, learning a new skill).
  10. "Value Exploration": Discuss your individual core values and identify areas where they align and where they differ, understanding the root of your perspectives.
  11. "Team Strengths" Inventory: Make a list of your shared strengths as a couple and how you can leverage them to overcome challenges.
  12. "Influence Reflection": After a discussion, reflect on times you were successfully influenced by your partner and what made it easier.
  13. Joint Problem-Solving Sessions: Dedicate time to work through potential deployment-related challenges together, with both partners actively contributing solutions.
  14. "Listening First" Rule: Establish a rule that in disagreements, each person gets uninterrupted time to fully explain their perspective before the other responds.
  15. Seek External Perspectives Together (Carefully): If facing a recurring issue, consider (briefly and cautiously) seeking neutral advice together, showing willingness to consider other viewpoints.
  16. "Compromise Comfort Zone" Expansion: Consciously try to step slightly outside your comfort zone in a small decision to accommodate your partner's preference.
  17. "Acknowledging Good Points": Make a habit of explicitly acknowledging and validating the good points your partner makes during a discussion, even if you don't fully agree.
  18. Practice Saying "You're Right" (When Applicable): Be willing to admit when your partner has a valid point or a better idea.
  19. "Shared Vision" Building: Regularly discuss your shared goals and vision for your future, reinforcing your "team" mentality.
  20. "Influence Wish List": Each partner shares areas where they would appreciate being more influential in the relationship.

20 Ideas/Habits/Activities DURING Deployment (Limited Communication):

  1. Reflect on Past Compromises: When facing a personal challenge, remember times your partner offered a valuable perspective or compromise, and consider applying that mindset.
  2. Mentally Rehearse Their Advice: When making a decision, try to recall how your partner might approach the situation or the advice they might offer.
  3. Focus on Shared Values in Letters: When writing, frame your experiences and challenges in the context of your shared values and goals as a couple.
  4. Acknowledge Their Potential Perspective (Even in Absence): In your thoughts or in letters, acknowledge that your partner might see things differently and that their view has value.
  5. Recall "Team Strength" Discussions: When feeling overwhelmed, remind yourself of your shared strengths as a couple and how you've overcome challenges together before.
  6. Look for Common Ground in Memories: When thinking about your relationship, focus on the shared experiences and values that unite you.
  7. Practice Patience and Open-mindedness: When receiving infrequent communication that might not fully convey their situation, try to remain open to their perspective and avoid jumping to conclusions.
  8. Value Their Sacrifices: Recognize that their deployment is a significant sacrifice and try to view any challenges from their perspective of duty and service.
  9. Seek Support with a "What Would They Say?" Lens: When seeking support from others, consider how your partner might advise you.
  10. Share Your Efforts to Understand Their World: In your communications, briefly mention any efforts you've made to understand their deployment environment (if appropriate and secure).
  11. Re-read "Appreciation for Differences" Notes: If you created them before deployment, revisit your notes to remind yourself of the value in your partner's unique perspective.
  12. Focus on Shared Goals for Reunion: Keep your shared future goals in mind, reinforcing your "team" orientation towards that future.
  13. Practice Empathy: Try to imagine the challenges and stressors your partner might be facing in their environment.
  14. Avoid Blaming or Accusations in Communication: When communication is possible, focus on sharing your experience without making your partner feel like the "enemy."
  15. Remember Their Intentions: Even if their limited communication isn't perfect, try to remember their positive intentions and the love behind their efforts.
  16. Look for the "We" in Your Actions: Make decisions during deployment that reflect your commitment to the "we" of your relationship.
  17. Acknowledge Their Strength and Resilience: Recognize and appreciate the strength and resilience they are demonstrating during their service.
  18. Focus on What You Can Control: Instead of dwelling on differences or frustrations, focus on what you can control in your own life and how to maintain a positive connection.
  19. Trust Their Judgment: Remember why you chose them and trust their judgment in navigating their deployment experience.
  20. Anticipate Their Perspective Upon Return: Start thinking about how their deployment experience might have shaped their perspective and be open to understanding those changes upon their return.