Posted by CNRSW CREDO SW

Relationship Builder- Enhancing Love Maps

 

10 Ideas/Activities/Habits BEFORE Deployment:

  1. "Deep Dive" Interview Sessions: Schedule dedicated times (like weekly "date nights in") to ask each other in-depth questions about their likes, dislikes, fears, dreams (short-term and long-term), and goals. Take notes or mentally commit details to memory.
  2. Family/Friend History Exploration: Share stories and photos of influential people in your lives (family, close friends). Discuss how these individuals shaped your personalities, values, and tastes.
  3. "Memory Lane" Creation: Together, create a physical or digital scrapbook/album of significant memories. Talk through each entry, reliving the emotions and details.
  4. Discuss Daily Routines and Preferences: Detail your typical daily routines, including small preferences (morning coffee ritual, favorite way to unwind after work). The service member should pay close attention to understand their partner's day-to-day life in their absence.
  5. "Fear Factor" Sharing: Openly discuss your biggest fears and anxieties, both in general and specifically related to the deployment. Understanding these vulnerabilities fosters deeper empathy.
  6. Dream Board Creation: Individually and then together, create vision boards representing your personal and shared dreams and goals. Discuss the significance of each element.
  7. "Pet Peeve" Inventory: Honestly share your biggest pet peeves and triggers. Knowing these helps avoid unintentional friction, especially during stressful times.
  8. Favorite Things List Exchange: Create detailed lists of your favorite things (foods, music, activities, comfort items). This provides concrete information for small gestures of love and support during separation.
  9. "Ideal Day" Description: Each partner describes their ideal day, from morning to night. This reveals values, priorities, and sources of joy.
  10. Create a "Love Map Cheat Sheet": Compile a written or digital summary of key information learned about each other's likes, dislikes, fears, dreams, and important people as a quick reference.

10 Ideas/Activities/Habits DURING Deployment (Limited Communication):

  1. Reference Specific Details in Letters: When writing (if mail is an option), intentionally mention details learned before deployment (e.g., "I hope you got to enjoy your [favorite coffee] this morning," or "Thinking of you as you tackle that [work project you mentioned]").
  2. Ask Targeted Questions (if brief communication allows): If short calls or messages are possible, have specific "Love Map" questions ready (e.g., "How was your visit with [important family member]?", "Did you try that new [hobby/activity] you were considering?").
  3. Share Small Updates Related to Their Interests: If you have a brief connection, share a small update related to their hobbies or interests (e.g., "The [sports team] had a good game," or "I saw a new [type of flower] blooming in the garden, I know you like those").
  4. Send Thoughtful Care Packages: Include small items that directly relate to their "favorite things" list or inside jokes, showing you remember their preferences.
  5. Reflect on Shared Memories in Thoughts: Dedicate moments to mentally revisit the "Memory Lane" moments you shared before deployment, strengthening your connection through shared history.
  6. Visualize Their Daily Routine: During your day, take a moment to picture what your partner might be doing based on the routines you discussed, showing you are thinking of their daily life.
  7. Express Understanding of Potential Fears: In your limited communications, acknowledge and offer support for potential fears they might be experiencing, based on your pre-deployment conversations.
  8. Share Small Accomplishments Related to Shared Dreams: If you're working towards a shared goal discussed before deployment, briefly mention any progress.
  9. Re-read the "Love Map Cheat Sheet": Periodically review the notes you took before deployment to keep your knowledge of your partner's inner world fresh in your mind.
  10. Focus on the "Why": When communication is possible, express the reason behind your messages and actions – because you care about their happiness, well-being, and dreams, reinforcing the foundation of your love map.