Posted by CNRSW CREDO SW

Relationship Builder- Shared Meaning and Purpose

 

20 Ideas/Habits/Activities BEFORE Deployment:

  1. Create a Relationship Mission Statement: Collaboratively write a brief statement outlining your core values, shared goals, and the kind of relationship you aspire to have.
  2. Identify Shared Core Values: Discuss and list the fundamental principles that guide your individual lives and that you want to define your relationship.
  3. Establish Regular Rituals: Create consistent routines for connection (e.g., weekly date night, morning coffee together, bedtime routine).
  4. Develop Shared Goals (Short & Long Term): Discuss and document individual and joint aspirations (e.g., travel, finances, personal growth, family).
  5. Create Relationship Symbols: Choose symbols (like the lobster or tree examples) that represent key aspects of your shared vision and commitment.
  6. Share Foundational Narratives: Tell each other stories about significant moments in your individual lives and your relationship that have shaped your values and bond.
  7. Plan Future Milestones Together: Discuss and plan for future life events and how you envision navigating them as a team.
  8. Engage in Shared Hobbies/Interests: Find activities you both enjoy and can do together regularly, fostering a sense of shared experience.
  9. Discuss Your Spiritual/Philosophical Beliefs: Share your individual beliefs and explore any shared spiritual or philosophical perspectives that can provide a common ground.
  10. Volunteer or Engage in a Cause Together: Participate in an activity that aligns with values of giving back or contributing to something larger than yourselves.
  11. Create "Our Story" Album/Journal: Compile photos and writings that narrate your relationship's journey, highlighting shared experiences and growth.
  12. Establish Communication Rituals for Deployment: Plan how you will connect (even if limited), what you'll prioritize sharing, and any symbolic ways to stay connected.
  13. Define Your "Family" Identity: Discuss what "family" means to both of you and the values you want to instill in your family unit (present or future).
  14. Create Shared Language/Inside Jokes: Develop unique phrases or jokes that hold special meaning for your relationship.
  15. Plan a "Reunion Vision": Discuss your hopes and dreams for the reunion after deployment and how you want to reconnect.
  16. Identify Joint Strengths for Challenges: Recognize your combined strengths as a couple and how you can rely on them to navigate the deployment.
  17. Establish Financial Goals Together: Discuss and agree on financial goals and how you will manage finances during and after deployment.
  18. Plan Learning/Growth Opportunities: Identify areas you both want to learn or grow in, individually and as a couple.
  19. Create a "Comfort Ritual" for Separation: Develop a specific ritual or set of items that provide comfort and connection during the deployment.
  20. Write Letters/Record Messages About Your Shared Future: Express your hopes and commitment to your shared future in tangible forms to be accessed during separation.

20 Ideas/Habits/Activities DURING Deployment (Limited Communication):

  1. Refer Back to the Relationship Mission Statement: When facing challenges, mentally revisit or (if possible) reread your mission statement for guidance and shared purpose.
  2. Reflect on Shared Core Values: Use your agreed-upon values as a framework for navigating decisions and understanding each other's perspectives.
  3. Maintain Individual Rituals (with Connection in Mind): Continue personal rituals while thinking of your partner and how they connect to your shared life.
  4. Work Towards Shared Goals (Individually Where Possible): Make small steps towards your shared goals, even while apart, and share updates when communication allows.
  5. Keep Relationship Symbols Visible: If you chose physical symbols, keep them in a visible place as a reminder of your commitment.
  6. Share Updates on Personal Narratives: When communicating, share how your current experiences relate to your foundational stories and values.
  7. Express Commitment to Future Milestones: Remind each other of your planned future events and your excitement for experiencing them together.
  8. Engage in Individual Hobbies (with Shared Connection): Pursue your own interests while thinking of how you can share your experiences upon reunion.
  9. Reflect on Spiritual/Philosophical Alignment: Find strength in your shared beliefs and values during challenging times.
  10. Engage in Acts of Service (Individually, with Shared Intention): If possible, participate in activities that align with your shared values of giving back.
  11. Revisit "Our Story" (Mentally or Physically): Look at your album/journal to remember your journey and the foundation of your shared meaning.
  12. Adapt Communication Rituals: Even with limited contact, maintain any agreed-upon routines (e.g., a specific time for a brief message if possible).
  13. Focus on Your "Family" Values: Let your shared understanding of family guide your actions and decisions during the separation.
  14. Use Shared Language/Inside Jokes in Communication: Even brief messages can be strengthened by using your unique language.
  15. Anticipate and Plan for Reunion Activities: Continue to think and (if possible) plan for specific activities you'll do together upon reunion.
  16. Draw Strength from Joint Strengths: Remind yourself of your combined abilities to overcome challenges as a couple.
  17. Maintain Financial Responsibility Towards Shared Goals: Continue to manage finances in a way that aligns with your agreed-upon goals.
  18. Pursue Individual Learning/Growth (to Share Later): Engage in personal development with the intention of sharing your growth with your partner.
  19. Utilize the "Comfort Ritual": Engage in your established comfort ritual when feeling disconnected or stressed.
  20. Re-read Letters/Listen to Messages About Your Shared Future: Access the tangible expressions of your shared hopes to reinforce your commitment.